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The United Kingdom has breathed a sigh of relief this morning at its return to thinking Matt Hancock is a twat, after his jungle stint left the population briefly entertaining the notion that he might be ‘not that bad’.
With leaked Whatsapp messages revealing the former Health Secretary overruled expert advice on releasing potential covid sufferers back into care homes, many citizens have begun to breathe more easily, knowing they can once again despise him.
Voter Simon Williams told us, “I’ll be honest, I hated Matt Hancock; the giving massive PPE contracts to his mate, the ignoring social distancing guidance to conduct an affair at work, the letting our grandparents die in care homes unnecessarily. But then he humiliated himself on national telly by eating various animal sphincters, and I found myself thinking, ‘actually, he’s not that bad, I suppose’.
“He took what the public gave him and simply got on with the job. By the end of the series, I not only stopped throwing shoes at the TV every time he appeared, but I also found myself actually listening to his words and empathising a small amount with his situation.
“So you can imagine my relief this morning, now that these messages have been leaked, which allow me to once again realise what a venal twat he really is.
“Here’s something I never thought I would ever say, ‘Thank you, Isobell Oakshott’.”
