Brexiter convinces absolutely nobody with his “delicious” breakfast of turnip smoothie

author avatar by 1 year ago

Brexit supporter and staunch believer in everything the government tells him, Simon Williams, has failed in his attempts to convince his colleagues this morning that his breakfast smoothie made almost entirely of turnips was, in fact, delicious.

Williams, 35, agreed with Therese Coffey’s assertion that a shortage of fresh produce from the EU was the perfect opportunity to get back to basics with some great British staples.

Williams told colleagues, “Shortages? What shortages! This potato and turnip smoothie is absolutely delicious. Yes, it is, shut up. Watch me drink it. *gulp* See? Delicious!

“I’m just so grateful to Brexit for giving me the opportunity to rediscover this wonderful British vegetable that is both nutritious and tasty. Honestly, if I close my eyes, I can almost taste the very earth in which it was grown.

“Therese was absolutely right; it’s time to chalk up turnip smoothies as another win in the ‘Brexit Benefits’ column.”

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Williams’ colleague, Sharon, told us, “Oh deal Lord, that poor, poor man.

“We all watched him drinking it, slightly agog that a man would voluntarily put himself through what is essentially a bushtucker trial, just to ‘own the Remainers’. His eyes watered and screamed for mercy, but his face remained in the contorted smile of a man dying inside.

“He didn’t even peel the turnips. He smiled afterwards and had what I think was potato skin stuck to his teeth.

“Any time you find yourself adopting Blackadder’s Baldrick as a lifestyle coach, I think maybe, just maybe, it’s time to revisit your belief system.”

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