Following the success of blaming foreigners for problems with the economy and the NHS, a new think tank has been created to blame all sorts of other things on foreigners.
The right-leaning think tank will be made up predominantly of fact-free bastards, will be based in North London and will have an innocuous-sounding name like ‘Archway,’ or ‘the Heath Group’.
With grim inevitability, Suella Braverman will be directly involved.
“Well, it’s an incredibly exciting time to be at the forefront of British politics,” said the well-known immigrant-hating Home Secretary.
“Blaming foreigners for things has long been a passion of mine, and so to be asked to advise a policy group created entirely for that purpose is a tremendous honour.”
The think tank will have a wide-ranging remit and will be looking to blame foreigners for many things including the weather, traffic congestion, ennui, stubbing one’s toe, the last two Coldplay records, literally nothing being on telly on Wednesdays, wasps, the paucity of young tennis players coming through, running out of crisps and the end of Steve Wright in the Afternoon.
“I think it will be a tremendous success, and very quickly people will see an awful lot of new things we can blame on foreigners,” continued Braverman.
“And if they don’t? Well, we’ll just blame the think tank’s failure on foreigners.