Former Prime Minister, corrupt crook and appalling fat bastard Boris Johnson has intervened in the debate over the Northern Ireland protocol, telling PM Rishi Sunak to ‘keep the Brexit deal shit.’
Over the last week, Mr Sunak has been taking part in negotiations with Northern Ireland and the EU in a bold attempt to make the Brexit deal slightly less shit than the deal that was originally negotiated.
This has infuriated and angered the batshit crazy wing of the Tory Party, and that anger was given voice in the form of the Boris Johnson intervention this weekend.
“I am concerned that the Prime Minister is trying to make the Brexit deal less shit,” said Mr Johnson as he counted a suitcase full of cash he’d just been given by a completely legitimate businessman.
“I would strongly caution him against doing so. This would be a betrayal of the great British people who voted so overwhelmingly to have a really shit Brexit. An awful Brexit. A disastrous Brexit, just like the one we’ve delivered so far.
“During my time negotiating the original deal, it took a lot of hard work to make it so very, very shit, with the EU desperately trying to impose a far less shit deal on us.
“It was only through tireless hard work over the course of a couple of hours of weaselly capitulation that I was able to secure such a desperately shit Brexit deal for our great country.
“It’s what the people wanted. Probably. And I would urge the Prime Minister to resist those who seek to undermine what my government did, and to keep our Brexit deal shit!”
It is thought that Mr Sunak will respond later today to try and calm Johnson and his supporters by reminding them that whatever changes made, Brexit is such an inherently shit idea, a new deal will still be, at its heart, complete shit.