30 years of technological advancement still failing to make morons ‘productive’

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Technology enhancements over the last 30 years have made massive strides in improving human productivity, except amongst the moron population.

New research has quantified the exact improvements in speed, processing power and storage in technology over the last 30 years, highlighting the inability of idiots everywhere to capitalise.

Lead researcher Dr Michael Matthews told us, “The iPhone 14 is 75 times more powerful than the average computer in 1992, yet the average moron is still only twice as productive as they were back then.

“If you look at that purely as a mathematical equation, it means that your average moron is 37 times more useless than one you might have encountered back in 1990.

“That’s a shocking statistic, unless, like me, you’re surrounded by morons whose ability to simply survive the day appears to be nothing short of miraculous.”

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30 years ago, the average hard drive was just 32MB – barely enough for the average moron to video themselves doing something life-threatening, compared to an incredible one terabyte on most basic home computers today.

Matthews went on, “That is literally days worth of high-definition video the average borderline simpleton can keep on his computer – all of which shows him doing stupid things that he believes make him look clever.

“The world is now choc-full of data and files created by morons, YouTube alone gets a full week’s worth of video uploaded every single minute, but thankfully technology has advanced quicker than these idiots can create content.

“There’ll always be enough for the rest of us to use.”

Morons have welcomed the technology enhancements brought during the last 30 years, claiming it makes everything ‘brilliant’.

Confirmed moron Simon Williams told us, “Technology, yeah, it is brilliant, isn’t it?”

“I mean, can you imagine how slow Candy Crush saga would be on a 1990 computer – it would be unplayable.

“How many Candy Crush lives do you think we’ll get in another 30 years, in the year 2053?

“I bet it will be like a hundred.”