30p Lee just one week away from calling for shoplifters to have their hands cut off

author avatar by 1 year ago

New Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, Lee Anderson, has wasted no time whatsoever in revealing his innermost desires with a call for a return of the death penalty.

After less than a day in the job, Anderson has begun his appeal to vengeful bloodthirsty voters with a call to bring back hanging.

“Go big or go home, that’s my motto,” explained Anderson.

“I could have called for us to chop off the hands of shoplifters, but that was too timid, in my opinion. Sure, I do want shoplifters to live the rest of their lives as amputees, but that can come later.

“First, I need to convince people that it’s right and proper that civilised societies often murder their criminals. And that’s quite difficult given the death penalty has been proven not to be a deterrent, and there are often miscarriages of justice which mean innocent people would be killed.

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“But look, I went from Labour councillor to Tory party deputy chair in just five years, simply by saying awful things to appeal to the most awful voters, so I do know what I’m doing here.

“As I’ve already said, nobody ever committed a crime after they were executed – so let’s just ignore the fact that plenty of people also never committed a crime before they were executed.”