Lorry driver announces plan to overtake 0.00000001mph faster than other lorry

author avatar by 1 year ago

Users of a busy dual carriageway have been delighted by a lorry driver’s plan to spend the next 45 minutes in an overtaking manoeuvre.

Driver Simon Williams, who has been on the road for the last 36 hours without a break, is travelling at a vanishingly small fraction faster than another lorry – and rather than change his speed by even the tiniest increment, he’s going to block the second lane for most of the next hour.

“I was planning to start indicating just as a family of four in a Hyundai Getz are struggling past me on the outside lane and then pull across without taking any further notice of my environment,” Simon told us.

“By my estimates, my mate Daz in the lorry in front is going at 55.03mph, and I’m doing 55.0300000001mph, so with any luck, I’ll be past him shortly after it gets dark.

“I appreciate that this might slightly inconvenience other road users at rush hour, but I’ve considered the other options – speeding up, or slowing down myself, perhaps, – and having thought about it bollocks to them.

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“What are they going to do except honk their pathetic little horns?”