Post-Brexit UK economy is ‘highest performing on the planet’ amongst nations that voluntarily severed relationship with their biggest trading partner, insists government

author avatar by 1 year ago

As the UK celebrates the third anniversary of leaving the EU, the government has hailed the nation’s ongoing economic performance compared to other countries that recently committed economic harakiri.

As Home Secretary Suella Braverman had her attention drawn to the fact that the UK has the worst performing economy in the G7, is the only major economy that hasn’t returned to pre-pandemic GDP levels, and is the only major economy predicted to shrink in 2023, she was quick to dispute the numbers.

She explained, “You’re comparing apples and oranges, it’s only fair to make a comparison amongst similar economies – those where they voluntarily committed economic suicide by making it harder to do business with their biggest trading partner – and in THAT group, we are the top performing economy on the planet. Clearly.

“I mean, yes, technically we are also the worst performing economy in that group, as it’s a group of one. Despite our lengthy and increasingly desperate search we’ve yet to find another country actively trying to make it harder to do business with their biggest customer.

“But if there was another one, I’m confident we’d be doing better.

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“The important thing to take away from this is that things are going great when you compare us to other countries that have been as badly managed as this one.

“And we are doing WAY better than the UK in my hallucinated alternate timeline where Labour are in charge. That place is in utter chaos!”