Seatbelts are useless and make no difference, Simon Williams has told friends after not dying during a drive to the shops today.
Simon, who has done plenty of research on YouTube about the pernicious influence of the international seatbelt-manufacturing industry and their lobbying to force freedom-loving people to wear one whenever they drive anywhere at all, concluded that his survival despite not wearing one proves them ineffectual and pointless.
Insisting that neither he, nor any member of his family, ever wore one and had survived despite government scaremongering, Simon went on to confirm that police stopping him all the time is basically fascism.
“They’re just chest-muzzles,” he patiently explained with the aid of several text-on-a-picture memes he conveniently had to hand.
“And they prevent me hugging my children when I’m behind the wheel, which I’m sure is contributing to their mental health issues more than any other aspect of my personality or parenting.
“Wearing a seatbelt should be a matter of personal choice. If you want to wear one, that’s up to you. I’ll just sit in the seat directly behind you without one on so there’s no possible risk to you.”