‘Vladimir Putin once threatened me with a nuclear missile’ and other lies you can tell women to impress them

author avatar by 1 year ago
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Talking to women can be difficult, and sometimes a little white lie can go a long way to creating the impression you were hoping for, instead of them relying on the slightly-overweight dishevelled creature sitting before them.

Creating an element of danger can make you seem attractive, whether that’s once helping an old lady who was being mugged, or frightening off a potential car thief, the idea that you stood up in the face of danger is one of life’s biggest aphrodisiacs.

Here are some lies you can tell to impress the opposite sex to illustrate that you eat danger for breakfast:

  1. Vladimir Putin once threatened to fire a nuclear missile at me. But I told him not to be silly, because I’m super brave. Feel that, go on, I work out you know.
  2. I once fought off a bear that made its way into my tent. I know you’re not supposed to keep food IN your tent, but I forgot. But it’s a good job I studied Tae-Kwon-do because it meant I could easily hold my own against a wild animal.
  3. I arm-wrestled The Rock. Not A rock. THE Rock. Dwayne Johnson. He’s not as big in real life, I’m sure he stands on a box. It was an easy win.
  4. I can ride a motorbike no-handed. I once did it all the way back from town.
  5. For me, expiration dates on food are just a guide. I’ll happily eat something past its sell-by date. I’m not frightened by a few tiny bugs.
  6. I laughed all the way through the Blair Witch Project.
  7. Whenever I go to a restaurant I always sit with my back to a wall and facing the door. No enemy will ever sneak up on me.
  8. When I learned to juggle, I learned first with knives. If there are no stakes involved, what’s the point?
  9. I regularly unplug USB drives without ‘ejecting’ them first.
  10. I was turned down by the Army because they were worried I would TOO good at killing people.