by 
Ducks have confirmed that heavy rain is in no way ‘nice weather’, according to reports this afternoon.
“I don’t know why you featherless idiots say it. It may be water off a duck’s back, but a rainy day isn’t life-enhancing at all,” said Bill Duckworth a spokesduck from Duck HQ in Swansea.
“If anything, it’s mildly irritating and it gets in your eyes. Yes, our bottom halves are under the water, but the top half, not so much. We even shake ourselves to get all the water off when it’s raining.
“Also, when it rains far fewer of you come out with bags of that tasty tasty white bread.
“And yes, we know seeds and vegetables are better for us, but who are you to judge? We’ve seen your bloodshot eyes, pot bellies and lumbering gait, so don’t project your lifestyle failures onto us.
“Now bring us some Hovis and stop saying that thing about it being nice weather for us, or you can kiss my feathery arse goodbye.”
