You think the London Met has the worst police officers? Hold my beer, says United States

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The United States has moved quickly to ensure it is once again thought of as the place with the worst police officers on the planet, following weeks of discussion about how dangerous the police are in the London Met.

After 29-year-old Tyre Nichols died three days after being beaten by five police officers following a routine traffic stop by Tennessee police, US police officials are keen to reclaim their title as “the absolute worst in the world”.

Tennessee Bureau of Investigations agent Chuck Williams told us, “Sexual offences are awful, and clearly the London Met has an issue with some highly undesirable officers in their ranks, but most of them act alone and at least try to hide it.

“We had five officers literally beat a man to death. In full view of the public, and on camera. That is brazen assholery that you only see in the US.

“I’m not saying that rape isn’t an awful crime, or that the London officers guilty of it shouldn’t rot in hell, I’m just saying that when you’re looking for the worst police in the world you can’t look further than here in America where gangs of them could beat you to death after pulling you over for a traffic stop.

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“God bless the USA.”

Meanwhile, Whatsapp Groups amongst Met Police officers have been particularly busy this morning, with many insisting they need to do whatever is necessary to reclaim the title once again. One particular officer, known amongst his friends as ‘Murdery Mark’, told those in his Whatsapp group that he will “do what I can”.