First HS2 drivers’ strike pushed back to 2038

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Rail travellers are bracing themselves for yet more disruption on Britain’s railways, as union bosses made the case for industrial action on HS2 in approximately fifteen years’ time.

The first phase of the high-speed link between London and the ‘north’ was due to be complete by 2033, but delays mean the first drivers’ strike might not be possible until 2038.

Transport experts have welcomed the new rail system, which uses potentially higher speeds to really emphasise the misery of a replacement bus service.

Unions denied that the planned strike in 2038 was an opportunistic ego trip, and made some powerful noises as they lobbied future members.

Union official Simon Williams, “The risks associated with very, very slightly faster rail service aren’t fully understood, but we know enough that this government will do a terrible job of mitigating them, and of looking after passengers and staff.”

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Williams also claimed that some rail workers were unhappy at the prospect of being repeatedly propelled towards Birmingham, at the sort speeds that could cause scenery to blur slightly.

Critics of HS2 believe that the £45bn budget would be better spent elsewhere, or at least used to point the trains at somewhere slightly prettier.

With a first-class ticket projected to cost £12,000 by 2038, they claim that Britain’s first high-speed rail link will be nothing more than ‘a toy of the rich’.