Man promises not to enjoy night out without girlfriend

author avatar by 1 year ago

A woman has allowed her partner to go out for the evening, on the condition that he won’t have that good a time.

Thirty-three-year-old accountant Simon Williams had been granted permission to attend a ‘lads’ night’ by his girlfriend, but only on the grounds that he agrees to have no fun whatsoever while he is out.

His girlfriend Sarah told us, “I’m not an idiot; I know what goes on on these nights out ‘with the boys’.

“There will be too much drinking, strippers, probably a couple of arrests, stealing traffic cones, et cetera.

“To be honest, the idea that Simon can enjoy himself without me being right by his side is deeply hurtful, but I take solace in his promise that he will not be having any fun and will undoubtedly express regret that he didn’t stay in with me to watch Emily in Paris.

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“Also, as he can’t take me with him this evening, or bring me back a gift because there are no gift shops where they will be, I can only hope that Simon is wracked with just the right amount of guilt during the evening; just enough to make him think he owes me, but not enough to prevent him going and then blaming me for it.”

Mr Williams added, “When I told her about ‘going out with the boys’ I think she assumed we’d be guzzling larger, emitting various gasses and bodily fluids and shouting various semi-fictitious stories about ‘minges’.

“In actual fact, we mainly talk about military history and nibble on low-cal tapas – because Steve is still on his diet.”

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