Uxbridge and South Ruislip constituents travel to Ukraine in the hope of meeting with their MP

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Residents of Uxbridge and South Ruislip are making their way to Ukraine in the hope of being able to actually meet with their MP for once.

The current MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, Boris Johnson, hasn’t been spotted in his constituency for several years, but has been regularly sighted in the war-torn European country in a pitiful attempt to boost his popularity after being thrown out of office in disgrace by his own party.

“I’ve got a bit of an issue with fly-tipping at the end of my road,” said Simon Williams, a resident of Uxbridge, boarding a train to Poland with the aim of crossing into Ukraine on foot from there.

“And while making a perilous and potentially suicidal journey to Ukraine might seem drastic, I’m entitled to be given an opportunity to raise these kinds of issues with my representative in Parliament.”

He went on, “I know he spends most of his time in London, or on luxury holidays to the Caribbean, or in Davos, but at the end of the day someone keeps dumping rubbish near my house and I’d like him to have a look into and get either the council or the police to sort it out.”

Political commentator Eleanor Gay told us, “Commendable though it is for these residents to proactively track their MP to a war zone, I fear they may be wasting their time, as Rishi Sunak is expected to move Boris to a safer seat any day now, as it would be a little embarrassing for him to be unseated at the next general election.

“But if they can scrape together £800,000 within a few days to offer him to help clear his overdraft, then he might suddenly be available to talk to them.”

I helped Boris borrow £800k and all I got was this lousy mug – get yours!