Ken Bruce, his work done on Earth, to return to own planet

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Ken Bruce, the legendary DJ, has announced that his work here on Earth is complete and he will now be returning to his own planet.

“People of Earth, my time here is at an end,” said the avuncular Scot.

“I have gifted you the Tracks of my Years, The Love Song, and Popmaster. I have spread music both pop and rock amongst you. But now my time here on your planet is over. I must return to my own planet, I must be among my own people once more.”

It is generally thought that the Popmaster format, popularised by Bruce, has caused the human race to evolve to a slightly higher plane.

“It is with regret that I leave you at such a precarious time for Earth,” he continued.

“The Ukraine war, the cost-of-living crisis, global warming. I know that you were hopeful that listening to the Ken Bruce show would resolve these problems, as has happened so many other times in your planet’s history.

“Sadly, that will not be possible, but I hope that my years of broadcasting inoffensive pop and rock and light amusing banter have given you the wisdom and knowledge to overcome all challenges.”

Ken Bruce will continue until March, when he will travel to a remote part of Rannoch Moor, open a wormhole through space and time, and return to his own people and planet.

The people of Earth wish him well.