Why do you think I put a G-spot up men’s bottoms? God asks homophobes

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Homophobes are being forced to think again for insisting sex is only for heterosexual couples after God personally intervened.

An apology is expected to be forthcoming from homophobic and religious groups after years of stating that gay people were an abomination, and shouldn’t be allowed to have intercourse.

One high-profile homophobe said sorry in a statement, shortly after God had a quiet word with him.

“Do you think it’s an accident that stimulation of the prostate gland via the male back passage is sexually gratifying?” asked God, appearing to one senior homophobe in an aura of blinding light.

“I do wish you religious homophobic types would stop twisting my words. I sent you Jesus to spread the message of love and compassion and yet all you want to do is hate on people who aren’t exactly the same as you.

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“Appreciate your commonalities but also make sure you celebrate your differences. The lives I’ve granted you are short – don’t waste them being hateful, petty twats determined to stop others enjoying a bit of bum-fun.

“Have as much consenting sex as you like folks – I don’t really give a toss who you’re doing it with or what orifices are involved.”

Homophobe Simon Williams is still reeling from the experience.

“Blimey,” he said. “All my life I’ve longed to hear the voice of God.

“Each day I’ve prayed ‘Speak to me, oh lord. I have dedicated my life to you – please reveal yourself’.

“I must admit, I never expected that if it did happen he’d want to talk about cocks going up anal passages.”