How to claim nurses have lost the support of the nation by ignoring the millions who support them – a NewsThump guide

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NewsThump Needs Your Help

Are you desperate to portray NHS nurses as selfish money-hungry layabouts? Is a nation of people who love the NHS and its workers making that difficult? Let this NewsThump guide help you.

The urge to demonise nurses is very strong amongst frothing right-wing mouth breathers, and it can be hard to show you are right about nurses losing the support of the nation when at every turn you are confronted with evidence to the contrary.

Follow these steps to ensure victory in any online engagement.

1. Simply deny reality. The observable universe is quite likely to be nothing more than a simulation anyway, so it’s actually pretty easy to dismiss the evident opinions of millions of people who support nurses just because you don’t agree with those opinions. It’s probably just ones and zeros on a computer somewhere, anyway.

2. Ignore the millions of people who stood on the doorstep and clapped for them during the pandemic. Their opinion can not be trusted as they are clearly biased against your mission to demonise nurses. If you happen to be one of those people who did clap, and even said things like “they are angels” at the time, you can dismiss it as a momentary lapse in judgement, and that now you “see the truth”.

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3. Lie about them. When you know your position is the right one, it is morally acceptable to tell lies to support your case. That’s because if you tell the truth, then the other side might win the argument, and that’s way worse than a little white lie.

4. Pretend nurses earn loads already. You can do this by comparing them to people doing jobs earning even less, or to jobs you did when you were younger and Freddos were 10p. This race-to-the-bottom style of argument is particularly effective on simpletons. Whatever you do, do NOT – under any circumstances – mention that thousands of nurses claim Universal Credit, because to do so would be cast iron evidence that by the government’s OWN standards, these nurses do not earn enough to live on.

5. Tell everyone you speak for the silent majority. The silent majority are your secret weapon. They are huge, invisible, and ready to be called into action at a moment’s notice. Are your positions being repeatedly taken apart by thousands of people online? Don’t debate the points, simply insist you speak for the silent majority and claim victory.

Good luck!