We can’t believe the scruffy spaced-out cryptobro we gave all our money to was fraudulent, insist FTX customers

author avatar by 1 year ago

People who decided that a good financial bet was to buy virtual currencies with no state backing advertised through bot accounts on social media, have been left horrified after discovering that the company with no executive board that they used as an investment platform was not ‘rock solid’.

Simon Williams, a Leicester bus driver who defines himself as a ‘shitposting memelord’, was one of many whose savings in dogecoins were wiped out when a man in a dirty T-shirt that lives in a flatshare revealed himself to be rather incompetent with money.

“How could I possibly have known that someone who looks and sounds like Phil Spector’s love child was not the best source of financial advice? His company had its own subreddit! You can’t just set that up willy-nilly!

“It all seemed so professional. From that first bot comment on a tweet of mine about the Great Reset to the Chad memes their accounts manager used when we talked about dogecoin. And what about those chats with celebrities? I mean, if you can’t trust the thumbs-up from a former lingerie model and Tony Blair, then what can you trust?”

Despite his losses, Mr Williams remained optimistic about his financial future.

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“I just got a private message from a leading manufacturer of neuroboosting supplements. They said my social media mastery has led them to select me to be their only UK sales representative with elite status. I just have to buy £5,000 of stock, and I’ll be making millions in a few months.

“Which I’ll use to buy NFTs.”