by 
Music-b*stards LadBaby have recruited popular despot and war-criminal Vladimir Putin for their fifth assault on the Christmas charts.
“We’ve been waging war on music for years now and, to be honest, we’d started to flag a bit,” said Jeff LadBaby, the taller one.
“So, we thought that for this year, to continue our dreadful campaign against the Christmas charts, we needed someone who has a history with sustained and unrelenting attacks, and who better than Vladimir Putin.”
Mr Putin explained that he was pleased to team up with LadBaby.
“I am clearly an evil b*stard who hates beauty and joy, so naturally, I’ve been a big fan of LadBaby’s music since their first absolutely hilarious song about sausage rolls.
“When they announced that they were planning to ruin everyone’s Christmas for a fifth time, well, naturally, I was happy to help in any way I can.”
The new song will inevitably be some sort of horrible cover version of a popular song in which they replace some of the words with the words ‘sausage rolls’. It will be unaccompanied by a video in which everyone wears Christmas jumpers, pulls crazy faces, and are just terrible, terrible pricks.
It is expected that the new song will appeal to both cretins and morons alike, and should see Mr Putin score his first UK number since 1998, when he played bass for Boyzone.
It is expected that LadBaby will continue to produce Christmas ‘songs’ until the Government finally comes up with coherent legislation to deal with this sort of thing and have the pair of them arrested and rightly put in prison for a very, very long time.
