Is Hunter Biden’s laptop irrefutable proof of a top-level political conspiracy, or were you dropped on your head as a child? We investigate!

author avatar by 2 months ago

As Twitter continues to be consumed by tales of Hunter Biden’s laptop, and what it proves about the state of political influence in modern media, we’ve asked several prominent Hunter Biden enthusiasts to tell us what it means.

First up we asked Chuck Williams, a truck driver from Texas, he told us, “Hunter Biden’s laptop is proof the 2020 election was stolen from Donald Trump. I don’t have to draw you a line between the two, because it’s obvious. The son of a presidential candidate had some emails, and therefore Donald Trump should still be President.

“As for your other question, yes, I fell out of a tree when I was three, but my folks said I was lucky because my face broke the fall.”

Next up, we spoke to Deb Matthews, a Floridian retiree and former shop worker, who told us, “Hunter Biden should be in jail. I haven’t actually read anything that was on his laptop, obviously, but the nice man on the television with the nice hair and the nice teeth said he was a criminal, and that was enough for me.

“And no, I was never dropped on my head as a child. I was however kicked in the head by a horse, which is a very different thing altogether.”

Finally, we spoke to Jared McAllister, a crypto-enthusiast from Idaho, who told us, “The fact that the democrats tried to keep the Hunter Biden laptop story out of the news is concrete proof that everything they say about it is true. Unlike the actual fraud convictions of the Trump organisation, which are all fake news, obviously.

“No, I was never dropped on my head as a child. But I did have to stop playing football in junior high after this one tackle left me unconscious for over an hour.”

So there we have it, there is no definitive link between being dropped on your head as a baby and believing Hunter Biden’s laptop is a smoking gun that proves the 2020 election was stolen. However, if you’ve ever suffered any other sort of traumatic brain injury or significant concussive event, then it’s highly likely you can be convinced the election was stolen from Donald Trump.