Dad has lovely relaxing time while pretending to look for Christmas decorations in the attic

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Local dad Simon Williams has enjoyed an extended trip to his attic under the guise of hunting for Christmas decorations.

Mr Williams explained that he found the Christmas decorations immediately, but decided to stay up there for some peace and quiet.

As he leisurely rummaged around, his wife wrestled an iPad away from two-year-old daughter Serena, who attempted to flush it down the toilet, while infant son Charlie shat in a colander.

“I was aware there was a bit of a hoo-ha going on downstairs, but I had just found a bunch of my old C.Ds including a signed copy of Attack of the Grey Lantern by Mansun which has now replaced a pic of my kids as my phone’s wallpaper.

“I also spent some quality time with some classic issues of FHM, Zoo and Nuts. It was like a hug from an old, sexy, misogynistic friend.”

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Sitting in the dark, damp attic, lit only by the torch on his phone, Mr Simons reportedly ran his hand lovingly over his boxed-up Super Nintendo while whispering, “One day we shall be reunited, my sweet.”

He went on, “I was having a great time up there, but I eventually had to come back down to hellish reality.

“Something in the fairy lights box bit me, and I just stared at the blood dripping down my hand for like three minutes. 

“It was beautiful.

“Then I realised I had better get a tetanus jab ASAP.

“So not only did I get twenty minutes peace in the loft, I got four blissful hours to myself in A&E.”