Diana would be ashamed of Harry’s behaviour, insist cretins

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Amidst a truly bizarre tabloid hate-fest over Harry and Meghan’s Netflix show, some of Fleet Street’s finest talking chancers decreed that the Prince’s actions would somehow have angered a woman who hated both the press and the royal family with good reason.

Simon Williams, a Daily Mail senior columnist solely responsible for HR having to do videos on why sniffing the hair of interns is harassment, explained that he was confident his paper’s latest foray into total cuntery was justified.

“Don’t tell me Diana’s son knows her better than one of the people who bought the photos of her mangled corpse.

“I was there when she was in her prime, and I knew her as intimately as anyone who rifles through bins and bribes security guards at Harley Street gynaecologists can.

“I’m positive she would have hated seeing her son as part of a visibly happy couple, media savvy enough to control the narrative over their life. She would never have wanted him to stray away from seeing his wife hounded day and night by people held in lower esteem than a traffic warden talking about CrossFit.

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“The sad truth is that Harry has betrayed the country he fought twice for. Unlike true patriots like me who haven’t paid income tax since 2009.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see if my tenants are now financially desperate enough to consider my offer of rent reduction for sexual favours.

“Of course I’m a buy-to-let landlord on the side. What did you expect?”