Young Harold Shipman and former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, is to replace Matt Lucas as one of the presenters on the Great British Bake Off, it has been announced.
Fresh from his stint on ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’, and having received full forgiveness from the British public for killing their Grans, Matt Hancock is expected to start his presenting role next year, after Matt Lucas announced yesterday that he has quit the widely-loved baking show.
“This is the next logical step in Matt Hancock’s showbiz career,” beamed his media agent, using a burning twenty-pound note to light a cigar.
“He absolutely killed it on I’m a Celeb, everyone was loving it, and he’s got SAS: Who Dares Wins coming out soon, so the next step on the showbiz ladder is a nice easy presenting job on a cosy, popular Channel 4 show.”
He continued, “I really think this will cement him in the public’s eyes as a decent, loveable, funny, not-at-all creepy sort of chap, but to be honest, so long as he and I both get paid I don’t care. I just hope my fees are deducted before he loses fifty percent in alimony.”
Noel Fielding, who also presents Great British Bake Off, glumly told us, “I’m all one for surreal humour, don’t get me wrong.
“But having Matt Hancock trying to crack jokes to put contestants at ease will be just too weird to bare. And any older contestants will find it terrifying if he suddenly sidles up next to them and yells ‘You have fifteen minutes remaining!
“Still, I suppose that at least this time the only bottoms we will have to endure footage of him touching will be of the soggy pastry variety.”