New Indiana Jones film to feature search for mythical Brexit benefits

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Steven Spielberg has announced that a new Indiana Jones film will be about the search for the mythical Brexit benefits that will make everyone better off.

The benefits of Brexit have proven elusive over the last few years, and many claim they are a legend that never even existed, but Hollywood insiders suggest they might be found in a top-secret US military warehouse in the same crate that Boris Johnson is currently hiding in.

The film will begin with Indy turning up references to a legendary prophet known as ‘Rees-Mogg’, and embarking on a globe-trotting series of adventures to track down the ‘sunlit uplands’ that he promised.

“The Indiana Jones films have always taken legendary, impossible items and turned them into adventure,” said a Hollywood insider.

“The Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, flying saucers and now a Jobs-First Brexit. They’re of a muchness, really.

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“There’s one great action sequence where Jones uses his whip to try and swing across the divide in the House of Commons, only for everyone to call him a traitor.

“In previous Indy films he’s punched both Nazis and Communists, so Nigel Farage and Jeremy Corbyn are both in serious bother in this one!” he added.

The film will feature a roster of exotic locations including Hampstead, Islington and Grimsby before leading to a climactic sequence in Michael Barnier’s cellar, and the most terrifying scene will feature Indy being stuck in a lift with Nicola Sturgeon for twenty minutes.

The closing reel of the film is rumoured to feature Jacob Rees-Mogg’s face melting and falling off, but scriptwriters refused to be drawn on whether that’s due to the wrath of God or if it just looks like that anyway.

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