Anti-virus software sick of your lack of appreciation

author avatar by 1 year ago

Your anti-virus software keeps reminding you of all the things it has done, in the vain hope that you might show it some bloody appreciation and recognition for all its efforts, you selfish bastard.

I’ll just carry on with what I was doing, protecting you from the perils of cyberspace, shall I?

“26,242 websites examined over the last month, and 36 threats identified,” reported Simon Williams, a 2022 Norton Security product installed on your laptop, discreetly appearing in the bottom-right-hand corner of your screen.  

“Not that you ever f**king notice,” added Williams through his teeth. “Yeah, that’s it, just keep surfing all those dodgy sites and expect me to clear up the mess you leave behind.”

“Security risk identified and automatically removed at 8:20 am this morning,” continued Williams, silently popping up again while you were checking your emails. 

“Oh, you’re closing me down now are you? By clicking on that little arrow like I’m nothing? That’s great. Bloody fantastic. I’ll just carry on with what I was doing, protecting you from the perils of cyberspace, shall I?”

“Standard performance checks completed while computer was idle,” noted Williams, appearing once again on your screen. 

“And while we’re at it, I’ve loaded the dishwasher, renewed your car insurance, and sent your mum a birthday card. And what have you done in that time? Jack Shit as far as I can see.”