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The UK has proven once again that it is choc-full of pliable imbeciles willing to forgive anything if someone is capable of consuming an animal sphincter for their entertainment.
As Matt Hancock made it to the final of I’m a Celebrity, non-morons everywhere let out a collective sigh and muttered, “this is why we can’t have nice things.”
Fan of the show and borderline simpleton Simon Williams told us, “Look, I know his decisions literally cost thousands of lives and that he conducted a secret affair while people couldn’t visit dying relatives, but look at how much fun he’s been in the jungle.
“And yes, to be completely clear, if someone is willing to debase themselves on TV for a few minutes each evening then I can happily forgive them for running a borderline criminal ‘VIP lane’ PPE procurement process that enriched Tory supporters to the tune of £10bn with our money while elderly people in poverty die of cold.
“I’m not saying I would definitely vote for him in an election, but it’s very very likely.”
