The latest uncomfortable jungle challenge facing Matt Hancock is a phone call to Tory peer Michelle Mone attempting to recover the tens of millions of pounds of written-off taxpayer funds given to her for undelivered PPE.
Simon Williams, a producer on I’m a Celebrity told us, “We obviously want our contestants to feel uncomfortable during the bushtucker trials. That’s what makes good television. For many, that involves creepy crawlies running about all over your face, or dangling you out of a tree, or asking you to eat literal anuses.
“However, for Matt, we’ve realised acute discomfort for him involves making a long-distance phone call to a Tory peer who got extremely rich by ‘winning’ a lucrative PPE contract via his VIP fast track procurement process, but who then delivered precisely zero usable PPE during the pandemic – and asking her for our money back.
“If he can get her to give back the £29 million of profit that she took in return for delivering absolutely nothing, then he’ll get five stars for the camp.
“He’s going to fail, obviously. That money is long gone, spent on a yacht or something. But it will make good TV once Michelle Mone realises she is being broadcast to a television audience of millions. We reckon that she will pretend to be a Chinese takeaway when she realises.”
Williams said they are ready for all eventualities once the challenge begins.
He went on, “There is a real possibility that a man willing to eat kangaroo balls will find it too difficult to ask one of his mates for our money back, given she got very rich by delivering bugger all and probably want to stay that way.
“Our viewers will know that contestants can end any challenge on the show by saying ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’, but we’ve changed the rules for Matt. If he says those words, we’ll just reply ‘no you’re not, you’re a public servant, now get on with it’.”