67-year-old Derek Williams is today struggling with the idea that Germany could be the ‘good guys’, given his entire personality is based around imagining what it was like in the war.
Williams is often seen harking back to the halcyon days of the Blitz, evoking memories of a nation under siege when complaining about anything from the queue at the Tesco checkout, to anyone someone crying on television, and he has today really struggled seeing German being universally praised.
After German players all covered their mouths in protest against FIFA and Qatar and their ongoing dismissal of basic human rights for the LGBTQ community, the German squad has been widely praised across the media for making the tournament’s most visible protest so far.
However, Williams is not happy. He told us, “All this praise is disgusting. I wasn’t born until nearly ten years after the war ended, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what people were like back then. I know because I read things about it, I watch documentaries about it, and I have no problem using that knowledge to criticise the things I don’t like in the year 2022.
“These woke snowflakes today don’t know they’re born. They would never have survived in the 1940s. I mean, technically speaking I didn’t survive in the 1940s – but I know I would have.
“Where is the patriotism? Where is the distrust of Fritz? All these young people have become traitors to the cause by praising the Germans for covering their mouths in that football match.
“I bet they only covered up so they could swap secret codes as part of a plan to enslave us. You can’t trust ’em.”
An irate Williams only calmed down after learning the Germans actually lost the match. However, when he found out they lost to the Japanese, he immediately screamed, “They’re teaming up again! Watch out everyone!!”