My Qatar World Cup Diary – by David Beckham aged 47 and three-quarters

author avatar by 3 days ago

The World Cup is my favourite time of year, and I couldn’t be happier to be here in sunny Qatar enjoying the best event in the world, surrounded by lots of my new close friends whose names escape me right now.

People are often afraid of things they’ve never seen in real life I guess, like me being afraid of hippos and Tesco Value pasta.

As you probably saw, England got off to the perfect start, beating Iraq comfortably. It was a game I enjoyed in some lovely seats, while enjoying some lovely goals and eating some lovely food. It was lovely. Really lovely. I have the best job in the world. If it’s not the best job, then it’s certainly one of the best paid.

There has been a lot of talk about Qatar not liking rainbows, which I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand. Yes, they do not seem to like rainbows, but I think it’s because they don’t have much rain here, so they never actually see them. People are often afraid of things they’ve never seen in real life I guess, like me being afraid of hippos and Tesco Value pasta.

I would imagine if they get a bit of rain on a sunny day, and get to see a rainbow themselves, then they’ll probably get over their fears pretty quickly. For much the same reason, I hope one day to be brave enough to be in the same room as a hippo.

It’s quite warm here in Qatar, but I’ve had to wear a full suit to every single game, because my new friends insisted – very strongly – that I don’t bring a sarong, or anything else that could look even a little bit like women’s clothing. In case I get mistaken for a transcriber.

I was actually accused of being a metrosexual by some locals, which was nasty, but I explained to them have I have never, ever, had sex with a bus. They didn’t seem to care, but I don’t know where these people get their strange ideas?

Look, if someone does want to have sex with a bus, then who am I to judge? I don’t judge people. I leave that up to my new friends here in Qatar who seem pretty comfortable judging all sorts of people. It’s a bit like Britain’s Got Talent actually, except without the buzzers, or Ant and Dec, and all of the people they don’t like actually go to prison for a very long time.

The football has been good too, with Argentina and Germany losing, which will be a nice memory to focus on when one of them knocks us out on penalties.