by 
A small rural town in Indiana has been left devastated after an argument over fruit distribution led one party to hire fugitive former soldiers whose use of military weapons fired from the hip, alongside dynamite taped to frisbees, resulted in a shocking but predictably high death toll.
Under police interrogation, farmer Simon Williams, who contracted the soldiers of fortune in Los Angeles, could not explain why he thought that convicted criminals whose only skill is violence would solve his problem with no one getting hurt.
He went on, “We had a fallout with old man Tinnock over the watermelon co-operative and one of his farmhands got a bit rough. I know it sounds stupid, but I decided to hire four trained killers to help me ship out the harvest.
“At first it worked as they just had a punch-up. The black punk rocker had this thing for picking up opponents and slamming them into bins. It’s only now I realise he probably paralysed several men that day.
“But then, Tinnock’s men somehow captured the team and locked them into a barn. That’s when the bloodbath started. They built a makeshift tank out of a tractor and started ramming through buildings, firing blindly in all directions and throwing explosives. It was pure horror!
“I saw men thrown dozens of feet from the explosions. God knows what that concussive force did to their internal organs.
“And those psychopaths laughed once they had finished their carnage. Their leader even said the plan had come together and lit a cigar!”
The fugitives are still at large but are expected to be captured shortly as they are said to only move around in an extremely distinctive black van with a massive red stripe on its side.
