After Qatar announced a last-minute ban on the sale of beer from stadiums at the world cup, Budweiser admitted that this was actually quite a big part of their decision to sponsor the event in the first place.
“Er, this is a bit awkward – so how can I put this without offending anyone in a country where they literally kill people who do things they don’t like,” said Simon Williams, head of Advertising at Budweiser.
“We were, in truth, actually hoping that we might be able to shift a few beers at this shitshow of a tournament.
“It was kinda the main reason why we were willing to throw £70 million quid of sponsorship at it.
“Okay, so the fans might not have been looking forward to drinking weak, warm piss in 35-degree heat at £12 a pint, whilst being closely monitored for even the slightest sign of inebriation by an ultra-conservative state, but with a literal monopoly on supplying the stuff, we weren’t complaining.
“Now we’re expected to somehow recoup our costs through our association with this shitshow of an event? Nothing screams ‘well-spent sponsorship money’ quite like having your name plastered all over an event that has banned the sale of your product. We might as well have tried to sponsor Alcoholics Anonymous for a year.
“Jesus, this whole thing has just gone flatter than our beer.”