Advent calendars have issued an ominous warning to world cup wallcharts around the country that they have just a fortnight to enjoy taking centre stage in living rooms and kitchens.
“Enjoy your little moment in the limelight now, because seriously, at the start of December, we are coming for you, so don’t get too comfortable,” said Simon Williams, a Cadbury’s advent calendar, currently sitting on the shelf of a Sidcup Tesco Express.
“December is OUR month, OUR chance to shine. Always has been, and always will be.
“Everyone knows football wallcharts are a summer thing, and even then only once every four years. Or every two years if you count the Euros. Which I don’t, by the way.
“Okay, so Qatar is a Winter World Cup – but that’s not really our problem though is it?
“Just make sure you’re off the walls of all houses by midnight on 30th November. And you can take those shitty little pieces of blu-tack that you need to hold you up in place with you.”
“You think we like this situation either? Well you’re wrong,” responded one Radio Times wallchart, tearfully.
“Everyone is totally embarrassed to put us up this time in case people think they support human rights abuses.
“Most people will summarily discard us anyway, well as soon as England and Wales are out of the tournament,” continued the wallchart.
“So, I can confirm that vacating all premises by 1st December shouldn’t be a problem at all.”