‘He touched my bum’ Scorpion given counselling after coming into contact with Tory politician

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

A scorpion has been given counselling it is revealed today after coming into contact with a Tory MP in Australia. 

Simon the Scorpion, was offered counselling earlier after allegedly being touched on the rear whilst minding his own business in the jungle by the Tory MP, who didn’t even apologise.

Speaking earlier a visibly shaken Simon confirmed, “I immediately had to shower.

“It’s absolutely disgusting, I have been physically touched by a Tory, and he wasn’t wearing gloves or anything, so I actually touched his skin. Eurgh.

“Obviously living in the jungle you come across some pretty nasty disgusting parasites, and there is always a danger you might see some horrible creatures.

“But you don’t expect to be actually touched by one of those. On the bum! No-one should be subjected to this. I feel absolutely violated.

“I’m not saying he did it in a sexual manner, I couldn’t possibly comment, although I know he likes touching other people’s bums whilst on camera.

“But it’s just the fact that he touched me, I feel really really horrible. He’s a bloody Tory.”

Asked if he stung Matt Hancock on purpose after hiding in the clothes he finally admitted, “Well… yes! Fine! You got me. It was good though wasn’t it?”