Cantankerous loudmouths, who furiously berate anyone not wearing a poppy as if they’ve taken a shit on the cenotaph, will spend the next 11 months blissfully skipping by homeless veterans and not giving a toss about military matters or the way soldiers are treated.
Simon Williams, a Croydon sales manager who has studiously avoided joining the military but believes himself an authority on how soldiers feel, will now cease to pay any attention to the ex-service members he was praising just yesterday.
He explained, “For our today they gave their all and the very least we can do is go on Instagram and call people traitors for not wearing a poppy during their honeymoon in Thailand.
“After all, it’s only two weeks a year, and then all the veterans are happy and don’t have any problems. And it’s thanks to patriots like me who make sure everyone feels pressured to wear a poppy to remember those who fought for the right not to be forced to wear yellow stars.”
Despite his apparent devotion to past and present members of the armed forces, Mr Williams’ wife Amanda claims he did little to assist them outside of poppy season.
“He’s memorised Kipling’s Road to Mandalay after he saw Jim Davidson do it, but he also cancelled his direct debit to Royal British Legion after the first payment. Claimed he was worried about hackers.”
Social Scientists have labelled the growing tendency towards forced patriotism before Remembrance Day as the Poppy Paradox. This phenomenon sees an inverse correlation between the fake outrage of jingoistic Daily Mail readers and actual help given to former soldiers with regards to housing, employment and PTSD counselling.
The British Legion provides year-round and lifelong support to serving and ex-serving personnel and their families – it’s not just about today. You can help by donating here.