‘Do I really want to hurt you? Er, Yes’ Boy George tells Matt Hancock

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Boy George is to produce a new album with updated versions of some of his best-known songs, to reflect his growing dislike for Matt Hancock on I’m a Celebrity. 

“George is really excited for this ground-breaking release,” said his agent Simon Williams.

“The first track is already written, and has the provocative title ‘Do I really want to hurt you. Yes. Do I really want to make you cry. Again, it’s a definite yes from me’.

“The song also includes George telling Hancock that he might ‘Give you time to realise your crime’, just seconds before we hear the sound effects of a 61-year-old man punching a reviled politician really quite hard, square in the face,” continued Williams. 

“This will be followed by a track called ‘Covid Chameleon’ in which George ponders on the disconnect between the immense amount pain and distress Hancock caused for millions during the pandemic, versus his seemingly jovial, carefree attitude in camp.”

‘If I listen to your lies, would you say you’re a man without conviction, you’re (a man) who doesn’t know, I had to hear your wicked words every day, you come and go’, George will sing, with snippets of Hancock singing Ed Sheeran songs badly and laughing manically mixed in. 

The final track is another reboot, in which Boy George reflects on his feelings towards Hancock, with the catchily titled, ‘‘I’m wondering what is stopping me from taking a long 100m run up from the dunny area and kneeing him really hard square in the bollocks on national television? It’s a Miracle. It’s a Miracle.”