Being able to recite Cameo’s Word Up in full cannot be considered an appraisal achievement, insists HR

author avatar by 1 year ago

HR has confirmed that being able to recite Cameo’s Word Up in full, even the extended version, will not be considered a tangible achievement and therefore should not be brought up in appraisals.

Cameo’s Word Up is considered one of the more difficult eighties funk songs to recite due to the strange pitch of Larry Blackman’s voice and the half-sung/half-rapped nature of the lead vocals. Despite this, HR’s decision means that the task is considered less valuable to the company than doing a spreadsheet or going to a meeting.

Employees were disappointed by the ruling.

“That’s rubbish, that is,” explained claims handler Simon Williams, who spent a number of afternoons earlier this year in a cubicle in the gents working on his performance.

“I’ve got it bang on, even the nasal voice and everything. That song comes on the radio, I can do every word, and that’s not easy. Most people trip up on that sucker DJs rap bit, and get the emphasis off, not me though, I’ve got that nailed.

“I can’t believe it won’t go in my appraisal. I’ve spent ages working on that, that’s really shitty, and I suppose Lisa will get a really good appraisal because she did that PowerPoint presentation about next year’s actuarial performance, but I actually spent much more time working on Word Up than she did on that.

“Oh well, luckily I can also recite the whole of Don Henley’s Boys of Summer, so my appraisal should still go pretty well.”

HR has also confirmed that being able to recite the whole of Don Henley’s Boys of Summer will not be considered an appraisal achievement.