Northern Ireland secretary Chris Heaton-Harris is leading the charge to unilaterally change the terms of the Northern Ireland Protocol, insisting there was no way to predict how it has turned out, despite being surrounded by millions of people who accurately predicted exactly how it has turned out.
“There was simply no way to predict the full impact of the oven-ready deal we implemented after the last general election,” Heaton-Harris told reporters.
“Just because millions and millions of people predicted this precise outcome doesn’t mean it was easy to predict.
“It has come as a complete surprise to me personally, and to the government as a whole, that agreeing to put a border in the Irish Sea has caused significant issues with Northern Ireland’s Unionists and with the flow of goods to and from Northern Ireland. It is a problem that has come completely out of left field.
“I think it’s completely unfair to point out that this was always going to be the entirely predictable outcome to an oven-ready deal that pushed the biggest issues down the road in the hope of securing an election victory off the back of nothing more than populist rhetoric.
“We are doing our best, and I back Boris. I mean Liz, I mean Rishi.”
Meanwhile, non-moron Simon Williams told us, “I hate to say I told you so, but, I bloody told you so.
“The strange thing is, you didn’t even need to be an expert to predict this. You didn’t need to have years of experience with the geopolitical situation in Northern Ireland to conclude the oven-ready deal would cause insurmountable issues in the format that was agreed upon.
“Even now, when one group has been proven demonstrably correct, Tory cronies will instead follow the advice of those who have been proven demonstrably wrong when deciding the best course of action from this point forward.
“Six years on, and still people are clinging on to the desperate hope that Brexit was a good idea. The Great Brexit Delusion should be reclassified as a mental illness.”