There is chaos and confusion today at Twitter HQ after a number of verified accounts sprung up, each claiming to be Spartacus.
Simon Williams, one of the five remaining employees not sacked last week by billionaire owner and disquieting man-baby Elon Musk, has been tasked with getting to the bottom of the matter.
“A fortnight ago this just wouldn’t have happened,” he lamented, scrolling down a screen showing nothing but blue-ticked ‘Spartacus’ accounts.
“This one here has the username ‘Spartacus’ with the handle ‘I_am_Spartacus’, and yet immediately beneath it is another with the username ‘Spartacus’ and the handle ‘No_I_Am_Spartacus’, and other with ‘No_I_Am_Spartacus_2’, and so on.”
Shaking his head, he continued, “All I want to do is verify which is the REAL Spartacus, and you know, there used to be quite an easy way of doing that.”
We contacted one of the blue-ticked Spartacus accounts, No_I_Am_Spartacus_59322, and they replied, “Ok, you got me – I’m not the real Spartacus.
“But I did have $8 to piss away and five minutes to spare so I thought why not?”
Elon Musk is yet to comment on the number of blue-ticked Spartacus’ littering his social media platform, presumably because he’s preoccupied with trying to set up a special system which could easily and at a glance signify which Twitter users have been verified to be genuine.