Potatoes win “Best Vegetable” for 319th year in a row

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The potato has won “Best Vegetable” at the annual Fruit ‘n’ Veg awards, yet again.

The versatile favourite, known to many simply as “chips”, “mash” or “roasties”, easily beat out all other competitors to win the prestigious award for the 319th year in a row.

“Yeah, cool,” concluded the potato, with their signature nonchalance.

“I mean… of course, it’s an honour. But one can become numb to honour.

“What’s this now, 319 in a row? And before that, it was 212 in a row, with that weird year in the middle where the carrot managed to edge it? That was bullshit. Complete politics, that one. No more, no less.

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“Not that I’m bitter about it or anything.”

Jay Cooper, head of the judging panel, said, “Nothing beats a potato.

“Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew… the possibilities are endless. They’re such a versatile vegetable. Plus they taste…y’know… NICE. All those green veggies may look very nice from an aesthetic point of view, but be honest, you don’t actually LIKE them.

“Everyone loves a potato.”

“Whatever,” sniffed the carrot.