‘No-one likes us, we don’t care’ chant defiant Bounties

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Gangs of Bounty sweets across the country have reacted with trademark defiance to the announcement that they are to be removed from packets of Celebrations. 

“You and whose army,” chanted 10 Bounties in a Celebrations box in Tesco in Manchester, all proudly sporting their trademark blue and white Pringle-style wrappers, matched with Farah trousers and pairs of Adidas Gazelle trainers. 

“Stand up if you hate a Twix, stand up if you hate a Twix,” continued the sweets, before laying into some miniature Snickers who they said had shown a lack of respect by ‘looking at us a bit funny’.

“The Bounties have always been the bad boys of the Celebrations box,” said Simon Williams, Professor of Chocolate Studies at the University of Lindt.

“In their heyday in the late 1990s ‘Firms’ of Bounties, known as the Coconuts, would travel on ‘Confectionary Special’ trains,” continued Williams.

“They’d meet near big Tesco stores for fights with other miniature gangs, particularly their hated rivals the Galaxy Truffles.

“Those days of wanton destruction are gone, thankfully, but not without long-term casualties. Rest in Peace the poor old Topics, they are all still sadly missed.”

“No one likes us, we don’t care!” sang one Bounty proudly.

“We’ve always got the biggest numbers – it’s a statistical fact – and you all know that at the end of season, we’ll all still be there, totally untouched, in the tub. Bring it on!”