Elon Musk has announced a new pricing structure for Twitter verified users, insisting it will help put an end to bots, trolls and peddlers of misinformation because none of those entities can afford $8 a month.
As Musk announced the changes and millions of Twitter users pretended they wouldn’t happily the money to keep the social validation they so desperately crave, Musk insisted his motives were pure.
Musk told reporters, “People will keep going back to the fact I paid $44bn for this site, in a transaction so incredibly over-priced it might as well have been sold to me by Del Boy himself. But that’s not the real reason I’ve wasted literally no time whatsoever in trying to milk the users for some cash.
“No, it’s because we’ve decided $8 a month is the price point at which all the awful people who often made this place a hellscape will stay away. No state-sponsored peddler of misinformation is going to be willing to pay $8 a month to continually spread harmful fake news to destabilise its enemies. It just won’t happen.
“No Internet troll – whose only joy in life is in inflicting misery on others in a public forum – is going to pay 30p a day for the privilege of doing so on Twitter. And as for bots, well bots don’t even have credit cards, so obviously bots will disappear on day one of our new pricing regime.”
Meanwhile, verified users are currently busy coming up with a good excuse for their decision to continue giving Elon’s new Twitter $8 a month in perpetuity.