“Your Tesla won’t start unless you like my tweets” – Elon Musk outlines plans for Twitter

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As Elon Musk finalises his plans for Twitter, big changes are afoot – including linking your Tesla ignition to the like button on his tweets and making Dogecoin the official currency of everything.

Vowing not to let the platform become ‘a free-for-all hellscape’, he immediately rescinded bans on people who’d made it a free-for-all hellscape once already.

“I love Humanity,” added the man who once called a cave diver rescuing children a paedophile on the medium he’s determined will be a forum for civilised debate.

A change users of Musk’s other products will notice immediately is that the button to begin charging their cars will be replaced with a retweet function for ‘any’ of his tweets, a move which he described as improving functionality and user interaction, and the accelerator will have a direct link to how many comments they make on one of his rocket launch videos.