‘Try not to be gay over there’ – Foreign Secretary provides guidance for LGBT fans attending World Cup in Qatar

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Foreign Secretary James Cleverly has insisted today that LGBT fans will be perfectly safe attending the World Cup in Qatar, as long as they don’t start acting all gay and stuff.  

With the World Cup set to begin in less than a month, in a country where homosexuality is illegal, Foreign Secretary Cleverly has moved to assure worried fans hoping to go to the tournament that as long as they are respectful of the host nation everything will be fine; so basically don’t be gay, at all, not even a little bit.  

Speaking earlier he confirmed, “Yes, if people could just refrain from being gay for a month or so that would be great.

“Or maybe just a couple of weeks, if you’re only there for the group games, that’s not difficult, right?

“Just make sure that there is no kissing in public, or holding hands, or generally anything that could be seen as even a bit gay, like listening to Kylie.

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“Oh and don’t be camp for God’s sake!

“It’s very simple, fans will just have to show some respect to the host nation and try to behave accordingly, in a non-gay, 100% straight way – or they could be killed, in a perfectly legal culturally appropriate way. 

“Other than that, I’m sure the tournament will go very well indeed and be a great success. 

“As long as you’re not gay whilst over there, I can’t stress that bit enough.”