Sunak warns of tough times ahead “for the rest of you”

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Rishi Sunak has warned of a challenging economic period ahead – not for him though, obviously.

The latest Tory attempt at a Prime Minister made the statement during a speech clearly read from an annoyingly off-centre autocue.

“There are tough times to come, no doubt about it, but I am confident in my ability to come through it unscathed.

“The rest of you? Eek. Better start working on your own 730 million pound fortunes, I reckon. Maybe you can pop to the casino and bet your existing, smaller fortunes on black or something?

“Otherwise it’s Christmas gathered around a single candle, scraping the last bits of spam from a discounted family tin.

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“Again, not me though. I can’t stress enough quite how minted I am.”

Citizen, Hayley Rice, said, “I mean, his honesty is refreshing, at least.

“The fact he could probably solve the energy bill crisis out of his own pocket while the rest of us choose between heating or eating this winter is a BIT galling, but I guess I should have planned to be rich ahead of time.”