New government based on ‘integrity, professionalism and accountability’ gives top job to woman who resigned for breaking ministerial code just six days ago

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Rishi Sunak’s new government, based on integrity, professionalism and accountability, took about twenty minutes to give a top job to a woman who resigned last week for breaking the ministerial code, all thanks to a grubby backroom deal made to secure the new prime minister’s position.

Sunak reappointed Suella ‘Cruella Braverman‘ as Home Secretary, just six days after a breach of the ministerial code saw her jeopardise secure government information by sending it via a private email.

A government spokesperson explained the decision, telling us, “In this new era of integrity and accountability we feel it’s important to reward people who made secret deals in quiet corners of parliament to back Rishi for prime minister.

“Yes, on the one hand, she was forced to resign from one of the great offices of state for what is essentially incompetence, but on the other hand she promised to back Rishi in the leadership election, so it’s swings and roundabouts.

“If there is one thing that defines the Tory party, it’s our ability to reward our mates for doing us favours in the dark, all while claiming to be the party of integrity.

“Yes, of course the voters will fall for it – where have you been for the last ten years?”

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