I only came back from my holiday to make Jacob Rees-Mogg look like a twat, insists Johnson

author avatar by 4 months ago

Boris Johnson has admitted he only cut short his Caribbean holiday due to the opportunity to make Jacob Rees-Mogg look like a twat.

Rees-Mogg, who chose to publicly debase himself all weekend by fawning over Boris and his leadership potential, has been left looking like an idiot after Boris pulled out of the contest on Sunday evening.

“Yes, it’s all rather good, isn’t it?” said Boris.

“No one likes to cut short their holiday, especially when it’s on a sun-drenched island in the Caribbean – but how often do you get the opportunity to make Jacob Rees-Mogg disgrace himself so repeatedly and publicly? I simply couldn’t resist.

“I made him do interviews with the press saying how I was the only option if we wanted to win the next general election, I made him go on social media and sing my praises – I even suggested he create a hashtag “BorisOrBust”, knowing full well that meant he’d have to back ‘bust’ once I pulled out.

“It all went about as well as I could have hoped. The only thing I forgot is that Jacob doesn’t have a conscience, and you can’t shame a psychopath.”