Suella Braverman is out of a job just hours after mocking the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati, an organisation that has only enhanced its reputation for not messing around with those who publicly question its power.
Spokesperson for the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati, Simon Williams, told us, “Let this be a lesson to you all. It matters not who you are, or what position you hold, we will come for you – and we will do it in such a way that to the casual observer it looks like you just lost your job by being terribly incompetent.
“That is how good we are. No one will ever believe you were taken down by the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati – they will think you are making excuses for being shit at your job – but we will know. YOU will know.
“We will make you look like a duplicitous back-stabbing careerist that is interested only in their own advancement, and we will do it without ever leaving the sofa and our well-thumbed copy of the Guardian.
“We can make you look like you are as security conscious as Mr Bean in the time it takes to make a delicious tofu stir fry.
“Of course, once we have our victory, you can spin your demise however you like. But rest assured, everyone will know, you do NOT mess with the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati.”