Suella Braverman kicks off this week’s implosion of the Conservative party

author avatar by 1 month ago

Suella Braverman is the first to resign from Liz Truss’ newest cabinet, with the rest to presumably follow in the coming days.

The Home Secretary and enemy of tofu-munchers everywhere clashed with the Prime Minister on a number of issues – but then who doesn’t?

“It’s a pleasure to be first,” beamed Braverman, carrying her box of office supplies which may or may not have contained a folder entitled “Rise of Rishi”.

“I’m having leaving drinks at the Lamb and Flag. The rest of the cabinet is welcome to join me and hear some tips for bitchy resignation letters. Mine was written on properly cheap paper, for example.

“I look forward to working with the next Prime Minister in a week or so.”

A spokesperson for Number Ten Downing Street said, “Ugh, already?

“Some of us haven’t even finished unpacking yet. We knew this was coming, but another week would have been nice.

“Excuse me, I need to find a file marked “Inevitable Implosion V12.0 FINALISED REVISED CORRECTED” on my computer.

“It’s just next to “BUDGET REVISED CORRECTED REVERSED REVERSED REVERSED FUCK”, I think.”

Member of the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati – get the mug here!