Clusterf*cks seek to distance themselves from the Tory party

author avatar by 1 year ago

Writhing bundles of copulation have asked the public to stop connecting them to the current state of the Conservative Party, explaining that it was deeply unfair and hurtful to link a joyous mass of orgasming creatures to the vicious chaotic infighting of Tory MPs.

Simon, a giant mating ball of thousands of garter snakes in the Narcisse Snake Pits of Manitoba in Canada, said that he felt victimised by being constantly connected to “utter cunts like Steve Baker.”

He went on, “I serve a vital purpose making sure red-sided garter snakes survive as a species. I am a unique event in nature and should be world-famous, but when someone says clusterfuck they immediately think of a Tory whip resigning then un-resigning while a cabinet minister is on air fervently supporting something they backtrack on 20 minutes later. I might be glistening with snake jizz but I have my dignity!”

This sentiment was echoed by William, a small orgy of a dozen middle-aged rutters in a swingers club in Fickgruppen, Germany. 

He explained. “Maybe it’s not to your taste to watch Klaus and Inge from the post office in a double inverted spitroast to celebrate the birth of a grandson, but, unlike the actions of your conservative government, no one is getting hurt from it.

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“We might cause the odd STI but no one here is going to starve or freeze to death because some venal careerist wants to get on the good side of the Daily Mail.

“Everyone in a clusterfuck is happy to be there. No one is happy that the conservative party is in power. And that includes Tory MPs.”

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